For months I've been missing you. I've been thinking, how do I return? What do I say? Where do I start? When my whole world crashed down on me on January 27th, I never thought I'd be the same -- and now I know that I won't be. But life must go on. When Poppy, my grandfather, left this Earth, it went dark for me and everyone he had ever come in contact with. It took me weeks to even accept the reality of what had happened. Most of the time, I still cannot believe he's no longer with us. But I will now work every second for the rest of my life trying to light this world back up with the brightness he once brought us.
It's apparent that since he left us, however, it is not only my world that has gone dark. Unfortunately, he did see the news of the awful massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Since that awful day, no amount of good news has shielded us from the tragedies filling the daily news. The events of this past week have overwhelmed me to a point where the way I could express this multitude of emotions was to return here, to you, my loyal followers.
When he left me, I lost my will to write. I lost my drive. I lost a lot of my motivation. But it was all temporary. No one would hate seeing my life come to a halt more than he would have. We had a bond unlike one I have ever had before or seen between any other people. No one was ever prouder, more excited, or more supportive of me than he was. Now that I have rebuilt myself, I owe it to Poppy, and to myself, to regain my life and move forward with more fire than ever before.
This week marks the anniversaries of some of the most horrific events in US history. As a nation, though, we won't even have a chance to look back and remember because current day tragedies seem to be flooding us faster than headlines can be published. This past Monday, the sports world's eyes were on Boston. It was Patriots' Day, Marathon Monday, and the Fenway Park home opener. Going to UMass Amherst, I have the fondest memories of Patriots' Day; Massachusetts' most beloved holiday. No class, no work, and usually beautiful weather all combined to bring everyone out from their winter hibernation to celebrate life and one another. This year, Patriots' Day forever changed.
Having lived so close to Boston for four years, having a multitude of friends and incredibly important people in my life up there, the evil attack at the Boston Marathon shook me deeply. After frantically checking to be sure that all of my loved ones were safe, it took me hours to shake the anxiety and awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't help being uncontrollably worried and on the verge of tears as I was captivated by the round the clock coverage of the attack. I felt sick nonstop for two days. I even found myself happy when the Red Sox won the day after the bombing, and rooting for the Bruins when they returned to TD Garden just 3 days later.
The bombings at the Boston Marathon captivated and, once again, united this great country. Before a suspect was even identified or taken into custody (at least to the public's knowledge,) tonight we hear that a fertilizer plant in West, Texas, near Waco, has turned into a massive inferno. Because the fire started only a few hours ago, details remain hazy and I am hesitant to include facts or figures that have yet to be confirmed by the authorities. Some time into the fire's intense blaze, the plant exploded. To go into detail from what I have read so far does not do justice to the unbelievable devastation that is currently wrecking the lives of hundreds in the area. While I was trying to find more information about the fire, I came across one of the wildest videos I have ever watched. A father and his daughter at a seemingly safe distance from the fire watching what was taking place. As their camera rolls, the fertilizer plant explodes. Watch the powerful, emotional, and hard to believe video here.
The Boston Marathon bombings brought us together to mourn those lost, question the motives, fear slightly, and most of all reminded us to hug those we love a little bit tighter. You never know which day may be your last. However, as this dreadful week has progressed, as we learned that one of the three innocent victims of the Boston bombings was 8-year-old Martin Richard who only wanted to see his father finish the race, as the Westboro Baptist Hate Group (I refuse to call them a church and I'm not sorry about that,) threatened yet again to picket funerals of the innocent, as a fertilizer plant exploded and took with it [unconfirmed, reportedly] hundreds of lives... my sense of unity with my country turned into a more solemn wondering. I can barely fathom that Patriots' Day will forever be a day in which we mourn the three killed and hundreds injured when some psychopath decided to use pressure cookers to bomb the Boston Marathon. I don't understand how a place of work, a fertilizer plant, can be engulfed in flames and completely combust while hard working Americans are trapped inside.
I said it jokingly several times today, but maybe it was more half jokingly: The Mayan calendar predicted the world would end in December of 2012. Since that time, 20 first graders and 6 educators were brutally murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary, North Korea has announced their nuclear capabilities, a terror attack at the Boston Marathon took the lives of three, critically injured hundreds, and completely rocked the nation, letters contaminated with the poison, ricin, were sent and thankfully intercepted before reaching a U.S. Senator and President Obama, and just days later a fertilizer plant fire in Texas caused an explosion that has killed and injured an unknown amount of people at the time this article was written. Maybe the world didn't come to a screeching halt when the Mayans predicted, but excuse me for thinking, this may be the end of the world. The world as I knew it ended on January 27, 2013 and since then it just seems to have gotten darker.
Here's to hoping for brighter days ahead, for laughter, happiness, health, good days outnumbering the bad, and the eternal prayer for peace.
This post was written in memory of the greatest man who ever graced this planet. I have tried to write a tribute, and I will try, undoubtedly, many more times, perhaps never getting it 'right' enough to publish for the world. For now the wound is too raw. But know, I love you forever and ever. Rest in peace and happiness and watch over us until we meet again.